Get Up And Get Out
I've come to realize the fact that doing nothing is the worst thing anyone can do.
For the past week or so all I've been doing is nothing.
And this entire post is ranting - nothing inspiring or brand related - I just know if I rant for a bit I'll get out of this creative block and it'll give me ideas for other good writing pieces.
And I picked Pantone Lilac Grey for the cover for this because that's a perfect representation of how I've been. It's a paradox, because deep down the Lilac color represents a color trying to shade through grey, while the grey is a representation of the overall feeling. Maybe you'll see what I'm saying.
I'm on break for school and I was living in New York for a week then went to Miami for a week then I had to go home to do an event in Boston which took a lot of time and effort to get everything together for, but since then I've been doing nothing.
There's nothing to do in this suburban area of massachusetts.
And i'm slowly buy surely going crazy.
And I don't have many friends. Maybe like four or five.
And my house makes me feel counterproductive.
And I'm losing creativity by the minute just sitting in the same house all day doing nothing.
Which has put me into a creative block.
And I finally realized how important it is to push people to get out of their home town and go do something bigger.
I simply will never understand the mindset of people who are content with not going to college and just working a regular job and living in the same town they grew up in.
You know what I mean?
Like when you turn 18 you're in a very important year of your life because you graduate high school and then you're faced with the whole "ok where do i spend the next four years of my life"
Then there's a few types of people. People who are like:
I'll go far away for college to a place I don't know anyone at all (the best type of people)
I'll go to the state school that all my friends are going to
I'll go to community college and live at home
I'll just work full-time.
I don't know how to approach this without being mean because I have friends in all those categories, but the best one you could be is the first one.
Pack your bag, get up, get out, and go somewhere where you know NO ONE.
That's what I did when I moved to Chicago. And it was the best move I've ever made.
There's nothing more sensational than getting dropped off at college knowing nO ONE and having to be yourself so hard that you find a friend group. It just proves that you can be on your own and shape a personality out of yourself.
People that go to state schools with their friends are really cool, too. A lot of people just want to party in college and that's really cool like I've done it here and there real fun experience, it's not a life for me, but i get why people love it.
But at the same time, I know a lot of people that go to the same state school as all their high school friends and only hangout with their high school friends and don't get me wrong they have a great time but like at that point you never meet anyone new and you don't get to see what other types of people are out there.
The people that go to community college are cool becuase most times they don't know what they want to do in life so they just save the money and get the classes out of the way. But I don't know many people who do that and live their life to the fullest.
Then there's the people who just work. Ok like I get it. Get your cash. But go get your cash somewhere else besides your home town.
If you ever want to do something spectacular in this world, you need to get out of your hometown.
I know so many people who are going to move out of their home town and then come right back and I'm like wow ok cool you'll be 30 years old making $80k a year living in a white picket fence house down the street from where you grew up.
And maybe that's some people's dreams!
But that's just so different than what I want.
And I've been home all week doing nothing.
I haven't been able to get myself to write anything, haven't made any good clothes, I don't like going out with my camera because it's so grey here, I just sit around and go on my phone and it's so awful and i'm losing my mind so slowly but surely.
And it sucks, becuase I suck. I've been awful.
I could have used this time at home to be doing something extraordinary.
But instead I've just sat in my house in my home town and looked out the window at the grey sky.
All day every day.
And I'm going crazy.
I need to get out of here and run away.
But I don't even know where to go.
Or who to go with.
I think that I need is new friends.
And I've turned this blog into me ranting about my life sorry about that.
But new friends.
Like friends who have no clue who I am or know what I do or anything.
I keep telling myself I need companionship. I don't even know what that word really means, it just sounds like the thing I'm looking for. --- I googled it
a feeling of fellowship or friendship.
Ok yeah that's what I need. I don't have a girlfriend or a friend group really, just friends all over the world.
I keep having this dream. It's full of emotion and I can't figure out what it means.
I'm with this girl. I don't know her name, but the way we act makes it seem like we've known eachother for a while. It's always summer, the sun sets around 9 and we're in this country-esque town. She's beautiful, blond, like big eyes and long hair. I always realize i'm in a dream when we go to this field. She's always leading the way and we walk straight for a while until the field opens up. It's really pretty and I know I'm dreaming and I try to alter it but it doesn't work, it's just her and I. We dance in the field, and everything feels so real. In the moment I have these weird emotions for her - but I can't express them. It's like when you meet someone for the first time and really like them and admire them - it's that feeling. But as the sun sets she starts to get scared, and tries to tell me everything she needs to before the sun sets. She keeps telling me they're here to get her when the sun sets and I can't figure out what it means. The sun was setting and she was packing everything into her backpack that was on the ground. She was rushing, as if she had somewhere to be. She wouldn't tell me why, but I kept on asking. She looked at the sun and said "it's setting I've got to go" then looked back at me and smiled. "See you soon" she said and she started walking into the tall grass and I turned around for a second and looked back and she was gone. It was like super dark and I was at this field near the resevoir in my town, I totally knew the setting of the dream I just hadn't realized it until the end. I tried to look for her and yell for her, but she like disapeared. I woke up like twenty minutes ago in my bed freaking out.
Partially because for the first time in months I have like emotion for a girl and it's in my damn dream and partially because I've realized I'm doing nothing but wasting time at home.
And I'm in such an awful creative block and the weather doesn't help at all.
And it's also because I'm never near anyone creative.
Like my friends at home are awesome and they're super supportive of everything I'm aiming towards in life but no one is here pushing anyone else to create anything, they're just kind of living.
Just Living is my biggest fear.
I'll write a real blog about that though.
I might do that in a minute I'm just dedicating this one to ranting.
I have 386 unread text messages.
Most of the time I just run away from people then they try to contact me about stupid stuff
I need an intern but not an intern to do my work because that's corny but someone who understands how I work on stuff and where my mind is and helps me create more stuff.
So like a creative assistant I guess.
Or some new friends.
Like I said before, I want to run away I just don't know where to go.