Life Update - Accumulation Of Thoughts
Ok here we go
This is going to start off as an accumulation of a bunch of thoughts and hopefully it’ll find a direction and I’ll make moderate sense out of myself
But hey what’s up yeah it’s me just checking in to say that I’m going moderately insane and a tiny bit crazy but have managed to find a way to balance all of that while still partially staying afloat.
(Directory: Part 1 is chilling Part 2 is growing up and getting away from the negativity of the internet and Part 3 is summer project plans)
I feel like I’ve woken up every morning for the past few months, in an accumulation of different places around the map, and I told myself I need to stop chilling for one damn day and sit down and get my life back together. And I say back in bold strictly because I have fallen (at a rapid rate) out of my cycle and into a vortex of spending every day with my friends and not on my computer writing or making anything or being productive and it’s eating me alive.
The only thing I really genuinely enjoy doing is writing, but one issue I have with writing (like this) is that I need to be in the perfect environment for it, and since I’ve just been so consumed by hanging out with all my friends I’ve lost my drive to write and be creative and make stuff and I keep wanting to just fly somewhere remote and figure out how to be the kid I used to be but it’s hard and i’m growing up fast and it’s taking me by whirlwind…. but whatever, here we go
here’s my ted talk welcome to my life friends
I made this tweet a few weeks ago which came from a joke that we made which has become the anthem of our friend group (which I’ll dive deeper into in a bit) but it’s the simple fact that I’ve been addicted to chilling.
Now you’re probably like how could this happen how could someone become addicted to being lazy. No, we’re never lazy. Literally not a single thing I do in my life is lazy. But we’ve grown this immense urge to just constantly be hanging out. And when I say “we” , I mean every single person I know.
Living in the city is great. Every single day the minute I wake up I jump out of bed throw some clothes on brush my teeth and hit the ground running. I’m out and about all day long from like nine in the morning until midnight when i get back to my place.
But all day long, every minute I’m not in school i’m just making constant links.
Like I’ll get out of class and there’s 50 different people I could go link and fifteen different places to go and ten different parties every night and of course, we’re us, so why not do all of it and attend everything there is to attend?
And oh, don’t get me started on the weekends. The minute that classes end on Thursday’s until the minute we wake up for class on Monday it’s just a constant go-go-go of chilling all day, going from rooftop to rooftop, riding bikes through the city, then going somewhere to get ready, then go out to one club from 11-2am then another club 2-5am then after party at someone’s place 5am - 9am then home by 10am then sleep 5 hours until 3pm, spend the following five hours of sunlight outside having as much fun as we possibly can and then restarting the cycle until sunday hits and our bodies are begging for a single night of good sleep before the school week starts back up.
Not to mention that school! is! hard!
Just when we thought life was hard, well guess what, there’s three 10 page papers due each week, three nights of endless library hours and exams like every other day. I almost want to call it rude, but that’s just how college goes.
And if you haven’t gotten to college yet, well prepare yourselves.
But that’s just the least of the worries.
So the chilling thing. The whole like every minute I’m free I’m trying to link people and be with everyone and never miss a beat, well it’s becoming really suffocating.
Suffocating in the sense of productivity.
So remember when I went abroad and did school in Spain for a few months. Best time of my life. Best time of my entire life, right.
During that four month time period I made over a thousand friends. Every single person there was new. Every kid had their own story. Everyone came from different pasts and countries and families and my number one favorite thing about that experience was making new friends.
While I was there, along with the countless amount of world experience I got, I found out a lot about my internal motives and what I like to do and what makes me happy, which I guess is the most important self realization I’ve made in my teen to adult years
I came to learn that the internet is a big fucking joke and that everyone on the internet is really really sad and just won’t admit it, that’s why they do what they do and they go on and make fun of people and express their problems online.
Right? I don’t want to come off as mean or anything, but i just learned to see through a lot of the internet shit because ive spent the last like eight months of my life (for the first time in a while) surrounded by people who have lives that don’t revolve around the internet
Every single time I open up my phone and go on twitter, there’s always someone being a dickhead, or making fun of someone, or flexing on someone else.
And the whole time I’m like…. really? These people are like grown adults and they’re going out of their way to make armies to attack people online and like take place in this shit hate culture that has been trending so much recently and im like omfg get the fuck off your phone and go live real life you fucking dorks!
Sorry, someone had to say it
But really. There’s two worlds out there, and I want you to know which one is more important.
There’s the phone world.
The world that consists of how many retweets you can get and how cool you look and what small blogs are writing poorly fabricated articles about you and a whole lot of painfully fake self boasting that comes directly from real life insecurities
Then…. there’s the real world
and guess what, the real world is a whole lot more fun
Have you ever just like turned your phone on airplane mode and hungout with your friends?
There have been so many times in past months that I’ve opened my phone, opened instagram or twitter or something, saw a bunch of shit that really just didn’t pertain to me, and closed it and went on with my day
I don’t know, a lot of stuff just makes me really sad because a lot of people i know in real life have these fake personas online that just aren’t them and I can see the image they’re going for but by doing so you just create this alternate life that you’re trying so hard to sell to a bunch of kids who you hope can relate to your struggles and emotions that aren’t really a direct depiction of who you are as a person
I just want people to know the internet is all fake and it’s really fucking dumb and please don’t get consumed by it
But that’s a big part of what my summer project is going to be about
I’ve had this idea for a while, and it goes directly off of what I just said, and in order to execute it I literally need to fly home and get out of the city and draw on a white board and figure out how I’m going to make this but what it’s going to be is a video series showing the real life of the internet kids
So I’ve come to the horrible realization that this is going to be my last real summer ever
Next year I will be super close to done with school and I’ll be interning in New York or LA or Chicago at a creative agency and there just won’t be time to live like a kid again
So this summer is the last summer to really do it all. And by doing it all, I mean tell the story.
If anyone’s followed me or my friends or anyone in our ginormous internet circle for any amount of time, you can easily conclude that it’s true: everyone knows everyone, and everyone’s just a kid.
I see all these kids looking up to everyone online and I feel really bad because on the screen, everyone looks amazing. I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t know how to sell the picture perfect lifestyle. Sadly enough, it’s what we grew up on, what we grew up around, and what the internet culture has done to us.
But, let me tell you from an insider point of view and as someone that knows all these “idols” of these kids…. behind the screen is just a kid. And kids have fucking problems! You’re never going to see the every day life of the internet kids on the screen. You’re going to see the life everyone’s selling. Because, quite frankly, that’s the internet and that’s the game everyone signs up to play
And with the internet, you’re strongly either a player or a watcher. It’s like that movie Nerve.
So, I want to do a video series on YouTube showing the real life of the internet kids
I want to go live the every day life of every type of internet kid I know
From the kids with huge brands to the kids with five million followers that post selfies
I know how they live, I’ve grown up traveling literally all over the world hanging out with them, and it’s astonishing how (in a cool way) different everyone is off-screen.
And I think it will be really fun because it will be a sense of fulfillment for me because I want to tell my story and how I found my way around the country and the world and everyone I met on the way, and then let everyone involved in the major story tell their own story through my literal walkthrough of the internet through the video series.
I hope that vision makes a bit of sense, I know it’s just an accumulation of thoughts
But I think we’re at a very vital time in the internet culture right now. Everyone’s growing up. There hasn’t been many new kids to the internet scene in a while. Everyone who was involved a few years ago is still involved now, but very few people have added into the mix.
Seeing that we’re all growing up, I’m seeing more and more people stop selling the dream and start showing who they really are.
And I’m sure at this point you can tell that if anyone can tell a story, it might be me.
So, we’re going to call it something along the lines of The Last Summer or OHKAY TODAY and just document everything.
From living the really really nice pretty life in massachusetts on the water where we grew up to seeing what it’s like to be a real life model in New York City to seeing what it’s like to be a Miami kid to seeing that it’s like to be a random kid in LA with a couple million followers. Every single person I know that is some sort of internet person, is just a different version of the average kid that just happened to be able to tell a story and sell a life through an accumulation of instagram photos.
But there’s soooo much more to people than those stupid photos. There’s stories and emotions and laughs and smiles and pasts that just aren’t expressed online.
And it’s going to be more than just the internet kids.
There’s friends I have that are 21 and made a million dollars this year but only have 500 followers online.
There’s friends I have that are literally the most average kids in the whole wide world, and they’re living a life 100x happier and more fun than the kids with the 5 million followers
There’s kids I know that just are nothing like the average kid, and that’s what makes them so cool to me
There’s kids doing literally everything in the world, with their own story that I’d love to help tell.
And at the end of it, I just want to have enough videos of enough different types of kids so that any younger kid that has no idea what they want to do, or who they want to be can come watch all of them and hopefully see themselves in one of these people and understand that maybe you don’t have to be a big internet phenomenon to go to bed happy every night and wake up with a smile on your face
Because that’s a huge issue with the internet. No one’s selling the happy life. Everyone’s just selling the famous one. And that’s super ! fucking ! toxic !
High school kids these days are literally addicted to juuls and the idea of being famous
Guess what, both of those things are going to kill you at the same fucking speed! Rapidly!
I think it took me a whole year of living very very hard in the moment and making new friends and traveling around the world and reconnecting with myself and what I like doing and what drives me to find my own sense of happiness to come to these conclusions that the internet is a great place but not a place where you need to exist in order to be happy.
Like I said, some of my most average friends that go to state schools in the middle of like… Alabama…. they’re so so so much more happier and have such a better head on their shoulders than some of the kids I know who never went to college because they wanted to chase the social media dream.
And something I always think about is where are we all going to be in like… a year
Or three years
Or five years
Because if there’s one thing i’ve learned about spending a lot of time in LA it’s that there’s only a year or two cycle to the internet thing. Once your time is up, you kind of wash up and get replaced by the next wave of cool LA kids that move in from who knows where and you just become another kid trying to figure out how to become relevant again. What happens when that cycle happens five more times and we have a bunch of people who have 500,000 followers and zero understanding of productivity because they never went through the very key developmental period of life called college and all of them end up like that stupid girl on twitter last night with 2.1 million followers who couldn’t sell 36 shirts from her god awful brand she tried to make??
Like what happens then?
I don’t know!
But I sure am excited to figure it out
Ok well that’s about it, I need to finish up school in the next two weeks and survive all my exams so that I can fly back to Massachusetts and live like a kid again and plan out this video series and tell these stories once and for all.
And at the end of all of this, when the summer is all said and done and the last year of the best four years of my life begins and I begin the real life approach to the real life world, I hope I can look back on all of it and smile at it and remember it as a really satisfying time, in both a Rose Quartz and Serenity way, just like the thumbnail pantone color of this piece.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk.